LIFE LIKE A DREAM...........
person who can explain color to a blind man can explain everything in life
SOME JOKES FOR YOU...
A nurse in hospital asks the patient with broken-down head: PROFESSOR: Akal badi ki bhais? After finishing MBBS… Dr Munna Bhai starts his practice. Santa goes 2 a Petrol Pump MUNNA BHAI : Oye Short Circuit yeh light 1st sardar: A man to Santa: MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. Impact of Movies: In bio practical: 1 banda bhahta howa aata hay Santa goes to Kaun Banega Karodpati show. Amitabh Bachchan asks him, "Santaji aap kiske saath yahan aaye hai?" ******************* Mashooka: lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho toh. Boy : Janeman! Tute huye dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi. Ek admi aadi raat ko apni moti biwi se bola ki sisak sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum. Sardar to Girlfriend: Darling main tum se shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai. Netaji : Tum Muze Vote Do Mai Tumhe Pull Dena ka Wadda Karta Huu.. A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care unit ward, put in a bed tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. ******************* Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes. Once in a kindergarten, a teacher asked all students to write an essay on the topic "A Poor Family". One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay. The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class and her essay goes on as....... Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment. Lady : Is this my train? Todays Jokes For U ******************* Sardarji Jokes... (If Anyone sardar here plz dont mind it just for laugh) Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet Todays Joke For U Son: Abba idher AA A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?" ******************* Lady : Is this my train? Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop? Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes. ******************* A new client meets a famous lawyer. ******************* The Difference Between Dogs And Cats A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods! ******************* A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. ******************* Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes. ******************* A new client meets a famous lawyer. ******************* The Difference Between Dogs and Cats A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods! ******************* A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. *******************
Name?
Sameer Bhatia.
Date of birth?
06 September 1965.
Married?
No. Car accident.
*******************
• Q: What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Maro dikro Dubai gayo?"
A: My son drowned.
• Q: What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro STATES ma gayon" ?
A: Ramesh's son failed in statistics...
• Q: Why did the Gujju go to London?
A: To see BIG BEHN.
• Q: Why did the Gujju go to Rome ?
A: He wanted to listen to POPE music.
• Gujju Premi: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, Kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: Dhokla.
*******************
Banta: Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the movie GUIDE?
Santa: B'coz Dev Anand says: 'O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna'
*******************
MUNNA BHAI: Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
*******************
MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bail,
Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
*******************
Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and pease so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!
*******************
On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him,
“Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?”
Sardar : “Ya sure, from landline or mobile”.
*******************
Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.
*******************
He checked his FIRST patient’s eyes,
tongue & ears by TORCH & finally what did he say?
“Battery is OK”
*******************
PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein
gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine,
2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI: Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
*******************
Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
“what’s on the TV?”
and ….. I said, “dust!”
*******************
Wife:Suna he k jannat me husband
k sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete
HUSBAND! sahi suna he,
Wife: aisa kion?
Husband: Arey pagli isi liye to
usey jannat kehte hain
*******************
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
*******************
My wife and I
were happy for 20 years.
Than we met.
*******************
sees a board Don”t use Mobile Here,
he Picks his Mobile Phone,
Calls everyone from his phone
& says DON”T CALL ME NOW.
*******************
Banta ask santa: what will you
advise your children about marriage?
Santa declares: I’ll never marry in my life and
I’ll give same advice to my children also.
*******************
Race dekhte howay sardar ne dosray se pocha:
“Inam kis ko mile ga?”
2nd:”Sub se agey waley ko”
Sardar tu phir peechay waley kion bhag rahe hain?
*******************
Sardar english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:
1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I’m not a mango man
2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits
3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also
4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.
5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:)
*******************
bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
CIRCUIT : Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
*******************
Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to
gandhi ji kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?
Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us
time ke salmaan khan thay!!!
*******************
Tofani barish mein rat ko,
shop per 1 admi pizza lenay aaya
SHOPKEEPER: Aap married hein?
Admin:Is tofani barish mein kia
meri maa mujhey pizza lenay bhejay gi?
*******************
Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aalo
lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya:-(
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:-
to behan kuch or paka lo:-)
*******************
oye agar neend na aaey to kia kia jaey?
2nd Sardar:Neend ka intizar kernay se behtar
hai k banda soo hi jaye
*******************
Santa found answer to the
most difficult question ever-
What comes first the chicken or the egg ?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega !
*******************
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
“He’s not my friend
*******************
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad…. Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me
*******************
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
“He’s not my friend
---------------------
Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
*******************
Santa goes 2 a Petrol Pump
sees a board Don”t use Mobile Here,
he Picks his Mobile Phone,
Calls everyone from his phone
& says DON”T CALL ME NOW.
*******************
Sardar said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in “Ungli”
*******************
Meri biwi aur premika saath saath AA rehli hain.
MAMU KA DOST : Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
*******************
CIRCUIT : Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla
aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera Sara chain collection apnay
kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT : Nahin Bhai, who apnay chain pechan lega.
*******************
CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu NE bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, who Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to TU bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
*******************
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!
*******************
Hi,
Doing nothing?
Then Make a Place,
4 Me in ur Heart!!
I May come there any time!
Ur’s Faithfully,
“HeArT aTtAcK”
*******************
EXam’s song by Munna bhai:
“Chanda Mama so Gaye,
Student sarey jage.
Dekho pakdo yaron,
Ghadi ke kaante bhaage.
Ek pariksha khatam,to duji
shuru ho gayi MAAMU.
*******************
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it’s legs only?
Sardar:I don’t know.
Examiner:You failed, what’s your name?
Sardar:See my legs & tell my name
*******************
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
*******************
A sardar goes to a restaurant
and his cell phone rings.
Wife: How are you?
Surprised Sardarji:Oji I am fine but
how did you know where I was?
*******************
A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
*******************
aur Santa se kehta hai
bhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main
talaab ka pani ghus gaya hay.
Santa: Oye kion jhoot bolta hay,
ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay
*******************
Santa bar me ro raha tha.
Bartender: Kyo ro rahe ho?
Santa: Aur kya karu??
Jis ladki ko bhulana chahta hun
uska naam hi yaad nahi aata.
*******************
Santa Police se:
Kal rat chor mere ghar se
TV ke Ilaaava sab samaan le gaye
Police:TV kyon nahi legaya??
Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye..
*******************
Thappar Maarnay par NaraZ Wife
se Husband bola:
“Aadmi usi ko maarta hai jis se Pyaar krta hai.”
Wife ne Husband ko 2 thappar maaray aur
Boli “Aap kya samajhtay hain main Aapse Pyaar nahi kerti”
*******************
Husband: Kal mere khawab main ek larki aye thi.
Wah! Kia Larki thee!
Wife: Akeli ayee hogi?
Husband: Tum ko kese pata?
Wife: Uska Husband mere khawab main aya tha!
*******************
Santa : " Pitaaji ke saath".
Amitabh : "Aap ke pitaaji ka shubhnaam?"
Santa : "Hmm.... yes."
Amitabh : "Amm.... kya naam hai aapke pitaji ka?"
Santa : "Hmm... OK."
Amitabh : "Are Santaji, main aapse aapke pitaji ka naam poochh raha hoon"
Santa : "Pehle mujhe chaar options to do ! ! !"
Mashook: Ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyu na usey wahin rahney diya jaye, agar main tumhare aankho mein doobonga to Sahara dega.
*******************
Two men were in conversation on the beach :
M1: Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
M2: Tumhe nahe pata ?
M1: Nahi pata.
M2: Who to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai isliye eesay beach kahete hai...
*******************
Girl : Haramkhor! Tuti huye chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.
*******************
Karan johar ka kamal
Kuch kuch hota hai : Luv ur friends
K3g : Luv ur parents
Kal ho na ho : Luv ur neighbours
Kabhi alvida na kehna : Luv other's wife.
*******************
BIWI : Ek dum.
Aadmi : To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.
*******************
Science teacher : agar kisi ladki ko mirgi ka attack ho to use lambe time tak kiss karo isse wo thik ho jayegi.
Student : par sir use attack kaise dilaya jaye?.
*******************
Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai.
Sardar: 1 biwi aur 3 bacche
*******************
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kiya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k pass ja k Beth jata hoon
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: to AC on kar leta hoon
~~~~~~~~~
Beta: Daddy meri dur ki nazar kamzor ho gae hai mujhe ek chashma la do.
Kanjos baap bete ko bahar Le kar aya aur bola who kya hai Bata.
Beta: Suraj
Baap: aur kitna dur dhaikhe Ga?
*******************
Ek Admi : Par Netaji Hamare Gaon Me Toh Nadi Hi Nahi Hai ?
Netaji : Mai Nadi Dena Ka Bhi Waada Karta Huu...
*******************
Ek Din Santa Singh Shahar Ghumne Gaya,
Ek Bade se maidan par bahot si bhid juti dekhi, kuch log adh jhuke khade the,Ye dekh
Santa Singh bola,
Santa : Yaha Kya Hoo Raha Hai,
Ek Aadmi : Yaha Daud hoo Rahi Hai.
Santa : Ye Daud kyu rahe hai ?
Aadmi : Ye kap pane ke liye daud rahe hai,
Santa : Kap kise milenga ?
Aadmi : Jo daud me jitega use
Santa : Toh fir ye baki ke kyu daud rahe hai ?
*******************
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. A couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."
The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."
This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."
Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."
Replied the other, "Santa."
A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's 2000 Rs.
Patient: 2000 Rs. for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
*******************
A new client meets a famous lawyer.
Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge 10000 to answer three questions!
Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?
*******************
The Difference Between Dogs and Cats
A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!
*******************
She wrote:
Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they, do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!
Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they. Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha.
3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha, aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua tha!!
Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they, Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they!!!
All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi!!
*******************
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "
*******************
What is a girl friend ?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, Multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
*******************
Why upset ?
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
*******************
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
*******************
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
*******************
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
*******************
1) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,
*******************
2) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
*******************
3) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
*******************
4) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: It’s called the "door..!"
*******************
5) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
*******************
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
*******************
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
*******************
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In India after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
*******************
Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. .
*******************
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
*******************
A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
*******************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
*******************
Mother: Aise nahi boltey beta, daddy ko izat k saath bulate hain,
Son: Abba izzat k saath idher aaja.
*******************
Hotel mein khana kha k sardar haath k badle wash basin dhone laga.
Waiter NE pucha kya kar rahe ho?
Sardar bola: dikhta nahi lekha hai wash basin
*******************
A boy goes to his dad's friend place late at night,
He was told to sleep in baby's room, but he refused and slept in the TV launch to avoid baby.
The next morning he saw a young, charming n very pretty girl on the breakfast table.
Who r u? The boy asked.
I'm baby and u?
Main ullo ka patha :p
*******************
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male alking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!! !!!"
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
*******************
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
*******************
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
*******************
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
*******************
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
*******************
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
*******************
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
*******************
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $99.
Patient: $99 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!
Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!
Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $99.
Patient: $99 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!
Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!
Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.
